A mix of real and fake, these ‘Gwyneth Paltrow quotes’ will crack you up

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A mix of real and fake, these ‘Gwyneth Paltrow quotes’ will crack you up

I love it when I can preach income inequality AND squee at our President at a $32K per head fundraiser for democrats. #GwynethPaltrowQuotes

— Carla Liberty (@LibertyBelleCJL) October 10, 2014

At yesterday evening’s DNC fundraiser at the home of Gwyneth Paltrow, President Obama’s awesomeness left the actress star struck and tongue tied. Paltrow declared Obama “so handsome I can’t speak,” but did manage to be able to thank the president for supporting equal pay because it’s “important to me as a working mother.” Paltrow also wished that Obama could be given “all the power he needs” to put through his agenda.

Because of those gems, it’s only fitting today that #GwynethPaltrowQuotes is off and running after having been started by @TheMorningSpew:

#GwynethPaltrowQuotes I'm so beautiful, you can't speak properly.

— The Morning Spew (@TheMorningSpew) October 10, 2014

Don't these bourgeoisie white trash know that I am of superior intellect? #GwynethPaltrowQuotes #tcot

— The Morning Spew (@TheMorningSpew) October 10, 2014

#GwynethPaltrowQuotes We need open borders. I can't mow my estate all by myself!

— The Morning Spew (@TheMorningSpew) October 10, 2014

#gwynethpaltrowquotes Gazing at Obama from my backyard's edge, I've given a whole new meaning to Hollywood side boob pic.twitter.com/HLsH4dHy2w

— Michelle Malkin (@michellemalkin) October 10, 2014

#gwynethpaltrowquotes Conspicuous consumption & capitalism for me, but not for thee. pic.twitter.com/j36tf8jusU

— Michelle Malkin (@michellemalkin) October 10, 2014

I feel so sorry for those less fortunate. That's why I'm flying to Paris to talk about it with other rich people. #GwynethPaltrowQuotes

— Vlad the Impaler (@bigblueonyou) October 10, 2014

I believe we should all pay our fair share! That's why I keep my money in multiple off shore bank accounts. #GwynethPaltrowQuotes

— Vlad the Impaler (@bigblueonyou) October 10, 2014

#GwynethPaltrowQuotes If only I could be the rear view mirror on your golf cart, and gaze at you all day long.

— JackieKPGH (@JackieKPGH) October 10, 2014

#GwynethPaltrowQuotes "I’d rather smoke crack than eat cheese from a tin."

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— Ellen L. Carmichael (@ellencarmichael) October 10, 2014

It would be totes ah-mah-zing if we just made Obama dictator w/all power in teh universe. #GwynethPaltrowQuotes pic.twitter.com/gvxDta5YyL

— Dawn (@dawnmh73) October 10, 2014

It's hard to get by with only 5 houses. #GwynethPaltrowQuotes

— Physics Geek (@physicsgeek) October 10, 2014

OMG! I'm down to my last $100 million. I'M BROKE!!!! #GwynethPaltrowQuotes

— Physics Geek (@physicsgeek) October 10, 2014

I feel the struggle of the people! I once flew over a ghetto in my private jet. #GwynethPaltrowQuotes

— Vlad the Impaler (@bigblueonyou) October 10, 2014

Of course I fly coach. My Coach handbag gets its own seat next to me in Ambassador Class. #gwynethpaltrowquotes

— That Guy You Like (@DrAlfredBellows) October 10, 2014

You don't know how tough life can be until you've had a beach house in Malibu. Fires, landslides, it's very hard… #GwynethPaltrowQuotes

— Not Dale Gribble (@rshackelford14) October 10, 2014

#gwynethpaltrowquotes Cut carbon emissions! Is my limo here yet to take me to my privte plane?

— Sam Spade (@9mmbetterthan45) October 10, 2014

Power to the people! …now let's give all power to this one man. #GwynethPaltrowQuotes

— Nom D. Guerre (@Q1776) October 10, 2014

"What in the hell did you think I was going to do? Make my own mimosas?!" #GwynethPaltrowQuotes

— Dywan Washington II (@DywanWII) October 10, 2014

#GwynethPaltrowQuotes Brits are far more intelligent and civilised than Americans. REAL QUOTE

— ♥ People of the Book (@straytski) October 10, 2014

Tell the help that they can have some leftovers. In the back room of course. #GwynethPaltrowQuotes

— Flannel Advisor (@DerpFlannel) October 10, 2014

#GwynethPaltrowQuotes divorcing Coldplay's Chris Martin made me a quarter of a billion dollars but I know what urban single moms go through

— RowingGuy (@BrumMsn) October 10, 2014

#GwynethPaltrowQuotes "You're so handsome. I can't speak properly… Kinda like you without a teleprompter."

— Rebel Yankee (@YankReb69) October 10, 2014

Tyranny's not so bad as long as you have a good moisturizer and locally sourced organic kale #GwynethPaltrowQuotes

— Mattphilbin (@Mattphilbin) October 10, 2014

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#Gwynethpaltrowquotes Life is hard for me cause I'm a mom who has to travel without my Apple.

— AGal (@GallSueJoe) October 10, 2014

#GwynethPaltrowQuotes Single moms? Yes. I care deeply about your wages increasing but that doesn't mean I want you at my party. Out.

— AW (@ArtbyAWOHS) October 10, 2014

When I see a job that needs to be done I roll up my sleeves and hire someone to do it …. #GwynethPaltrowQuotes

— brockasso (@itsmebrock) October 10, 2014

If I didn't care $15,000.00 would only get you the cheep caviar … #GwynethPaltrowQuotes

— brockasso (@itsmebrock) October 10, 2014

Working mothers dig the exclusive deals on http://t.co/3THWqyyYcN #GwynethPaltrowQuotes pic.twitter.com/wDZPaARSUX

— Liars Never Win (@liars_never_win) October 10, 2014

“I’d rather smoke crack than eat cheese from a tin.” #GwynethPaltrowQuotes

— Dana Loesch (@DLoesch) October 10, 2014

#GwynethPaltrow #GwynethPaltrowQuotes Just dance a jig and stick to your juggling act. pic.twitter.com/T69G4ct17f

— John Nantz (@TheJohnNantz) October 10, 2014

I'm so tired of seeing other Americans in Monaco, they really make me look bad. #GwynethPaltrowQuotes

— Not Dale Gribble (@rshackelford14) October 10, 2014

#Obama 's rich, dumb friends. #GwynethPaltrow #GwynethPaltrowQuotes @GwynethPaltrow pic.twitter.com/MG60TNRsLU

— John Nantz (@TheJohnNantz) October 10, 2014

I once had to make my own sandwich. The struggle is real. #GwynethPaltrowQuotes

— Purple Frog (@Frogtox) October 10, 2014

#GwynethPaltrowQuotes When life gives you lemons, have your maid make lemonade.

— Geoff Caldwell (@geoffcaldwell) October 10, 2014

#GwynethPaltrowQuotes “I am who I am. I can’t pretend to be somebody who makes $25,000 a year.”

— Maria Greene (@MariaGreene8) October 10, 2014

"The chauffeur drove my nanny to @Tesco's, but they didn't have any fresh Baltic caviar in stock. Just harrowing." #GwynethPaltrowQuotes

— Maurice Haberdasher (@jedditelol) October 10, 2014

I like the poor, I just don't care for the smell #GwynethPaltrowQuotes

— Roy Rogers (@Roy__Rogers) October 10, 2014

My cook tells me that Chicken of the Seas comes from the sea… so I fired him #GwynethPaltrowQuotes

— Roy Rogers (@Roy__Rogers) October 10, 2014

It would be totes ah-mah-zing if we just made Obama dictator w/all power in teh universe. #GwynethPaltrowQuotes pic.twitter.com/gvxDta5YyL

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— Dawn (@dawnmh73) October 10, 2014

I will not tolerate the staff making eye contact with me or my kids. I am a tough working mother. #GwynethPaltrowQuotes

— Liars Never Win (@liars_never_win) October 10, 2014

#GwynethPaltrowQuotes The word "dictator" has so much negativity. I prefer "royal heartthrob".

— ContagiousGordon (@CrankyGordon) October 10, 2014

#GwynethPaltrowQuotes I feel so bad for those people suffering in that African country Ebola.

— ContagiousGordon (@CrankyGordon) October 10, 2014

Well, I suppose $60 million sounds like a lot… #GwynethPaltrowQuotes

— Flannel Advisor (@DerpFlannel) October 10, 2014

Will you and the Mrs. be uncoupling soon? #GwynethPaltrowQuotes

— Bossy Mom w/Strategy (@lindarutter) October 10, 2014

#GwynethPaltrowQuotes Barry my darling, how can we squeeze some more money from these peasants that are cowering before us.

— Big Blue 11 (@BigBlue1180) October 10, 2014

"Barack and I talked about life and art and big, interesting things over organic wine and arugula" #GwynethPaltrowQuotes

— Nice Deb (@NiceDeb) October 10, 2014

#GwynethPaltrowQuotes I Don't Always Make A Complete Asshat Out Of Myself, But When I Do It Trends Worldwide On Twitter

— Big Blue 11 (@BigBlue1180) October 10, 2014

#GwynethPaltrowQuotes couldn't decide to kiss him on his lips or his ass so I just did both.

— mona harrison (@moharrison) October 10, 2014

"I love the working class: I watch them work all day! Hey, Jose, you missed a spot on the hedge!" #GwynethPaltrowQuotes

— M Noonan (@MNoonan17) October 10, 2014

#GwynethPaltrowQuotes Who needs three branches of Government?

— Glenn Amurgis (@gamurgis) October 10, 2014

#GwynethPaltrowQuotes POTUS, I'll be your Leni Riefenstahl

— Glenn Amurgis (@gamurgis) October 10, 2014

#GwynethPaltrowQuotes Amnesty for all. I can't lose my manicurist/landscaper/cook/nanny and waxist to their home countries all at once

— james scova (@ScoMule) October 10, 2014

Now those were funny!

Read more: http://twitchy.com/2014/10/10/a-mix-of-real-and-fake-these-gwynethpaltrowquotes-are-sure-to-crack-you-up/

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